I love the internet more than life itself. I wish there was some way of turning the web into a physical entity and caressing its beautiful body and long luscious locks and kissing it passionately on the lips, like they did in that film Weird Science. Anyway, that sadly isn’t possible, so instead I just have to immerse myself in the www as much as possible. And then report my findings to you. So, here goes.
Since we last met, I have turned 40 and one question that has really been bugging me this month is ‘How many days until I turn 50?’ The answer is 3,652. Ouch. That isn’t actually many is it? I probably could have worked that out myself using very basic maths but I CHOSE NOT TO. Computers have made my brain go soggy and weak, so I had to turn to a website to calculate the number of days between two separate days. You can do it to by using this rather old fashioned looking ‘Day Counter’.
I’ve featured a lift website before. I had such positive feedback about it that I have been scouring the computer things to try and find another lift website. There are plenty, but they all suck…well they did all suck until I found ‘Guide To Lifts In The UK’. I knew I was onto a winner when I read the introductory paragraph.
‘This is a guide to what lifts can be found in the UK.
I made this guide because there is very little information about lifts.
I made this from what I have found out while going to places and riding in lifts. I had to use a lot of guess work because there is not much information available. The Information in this guide may NOT be accurate, because I based this guide on my observations, while going in lifts.’
Necessity is the mother of invention. This person identified a problem, the fact there is very little information about lifts, then did something about it, guessing potentially inaccurate information about lifts and writing it down. Genius. More sites should be based purely on guesswork. Anyway, want to read someone’s guesses about the world of elevators then head to –
We all used to love Nick Clegg. When he stood no chance of getting into power, he was the dog’s ding dangs. But now he sort of actually has a tiny bit of power, we hate him. So much so that he constantly looks sad. Don’t believe me? Click on this bad boy.
And now for a genuinely touching moment. I don’t often get too sentimental here, that’s not what the internet was built for, but this is a very simple and poignant site. The more I read, the more I felt a growing sense of ennui. These are apparently the last tweets ever sent by celebrities before they passed away.
Right, that’s enough soppy sentimentality. What we need to lift our spirits is some cats. As beards. On faces. Of people!
And while we are on the subject of cats, how about sexy cats? Don’t panic, it’s nothing like that and you can open this at work. Unless your boss doesn’t like sexy pictures of cats impersonating hot pin ups from the olden days. If he does, I suggest you quit your job immediately, because this shizzle is good.
Hot Ice, Ground Level Sound and Savage Thrust – all bands you have probably never heard of. But some people have heard of them and still talk about them to this day. Namely the children of the people in these bands. And thank god they do otherwise My Dad Was In A Band wouldn’t exist. They’ve even posted videos from local talent shows and audio recordings. This site is a goldmine. Someone needs to get all these bands together and stage the ultimate dad rock festival.
Finally, I don’t have a guinea pig but if I did I would be worried about the increasing number of jousting attacks on these harmless creatures I have not been reading about lately. One obvious solution is to spend nearly $4,000 on some armour for the wee fella. I am not joking.
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That’s it for now. Do please keep sending me your websites. I don’t have a proper job so I need something to keep me off the streets. Pop along to www.facebook.com/iainleeofficial
You can read Iain Lee’s very own take on the internet here on the 123-reg blog every third Friday of the month.
A familiar face on television since he got his first break landing the job hosting Channel 4’s thrice weekly topical comedy show the 11 O’Clock Show at the age of 25, Iain is also an award winning radio presenter, top podcast creator and a genuinely funny guy with an eye for the bizarre.