The Iain Lee Column – The Magic of the Internet
Before we go any further, I have to know if your computer is turned on. Would you mind checking for me? Just click on this link and it will let you know if your computer is turned on or not.
Thanks for that. Is it on? If so, then please carry on reading my silly little article. If not, would you mind turning your computer on before proceeding? Great.
It would appear that pornography is being squeezed off the internet. Which is a good thing, especially if seeing things being squeezed is what gets you going. But what is replacing this sick filth that none of us ever watch? Cats. That’s what. The world wide web is being taken over by our feline ‘friends’.
It’s some cats with their own TV show. They don’t actually do a lot but it is strangely moreish, like a delicious cake or a drug. Seriously, one hit of this shizzle and you won’t be able to stop. Ha. Look. Those cats just had a fight and that one is STILL asleep. Genius.
One of the problems I have to deal with on a daily basis is my resemblance to Marlon Dingle from Emmerdale. And Ralf Little. And, according to some myopic idiots, Richard Bacon. I have seriously had conversations with people who have thought I was one of those poor fools I just mentioned.
Trust me, it’s easier to pretend I appeared in Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps than actually explaining who I used to be. Being mistaken for some minor TV stars is bad enough, but that’s nothing compared to this poor chap. He is the spitting image of American president Barack Obama.
Admittedly, Trevor has turned this to his advantage and now hires himself out as a lookalike, but it hasn’t always been easy for him. Just look at the abuse he has received on his Fan Mail page. Why would anyone send abuse to someone just because of how they look? Crazy.
I love Masterchef, it really is my favourite programme where 2 men pick on people who can’t cook. I was surprised to find out they had a short lived dub step drum and bass recording career. Don’t believe me? Check this out. It got to number 37 in the hit parade.
I love old records, proper vinyl, and one of my hobbies is scouring charity shops and car boot sales trying to find that elusive disc. It turns out I’m not the only gentleman with this noble interest. This wonderful site logs all kinds of discs and uploads them. Who’d have thought a flexi disc for buses could be so cool? It really is. Also, if you want a rare country treat, scroll down and listen to The Weavers singing Meet The Jonson Boys – what a fantastic lost classic!
The person who runs this site clearly has too much time on their hands, as do I because I’ve started my own website detailing every bootleg recording of fictional pop group The Monkees. Do pop along and check out www.monkeebootlegs.com It really is proof that I should spend more time with my kids.
My sister sent me the following link and it almost makes up for her making the first 17 years of my life a misery. Photoshopping is always a dangerous game. Sure, it can get rid of the red eye and make photos a little more exciting, but if you push it too far, well, there is a chance it could look a little bit naff. Tiny Russian groom in a shoe being held by his giant wife is my favourite.
Finally, I don’t get this one. I’ve studied it for ages and I really can’t tell if it’s real or not. What do
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You can read Iain Lee’s very own take on the internet here on the 123-reg blog every last Friday of the month.
A familiar face on television since he got his first break landing the job hosting Channel 4’s thrice weekly topical comedy show the 11 O’Clock Show at the age of 25, Iain is also an award winning radio presenter, top podcast creator and a genuinely funny guy with an eye for the bizarre.