Christmas is coming…no, stop that you Scrooges. I genuinely love it. Turkey, grandparents, Edmonds, farting, presents, someone dying on Eastenders, what more could you want from life?
I tell you what I don’t want, and that’s wacky presents. Get me a book, get me some CD’s or even a jumper but for the love of everything that is holy DO NOT BUY ME NOVELTY PRESENTS! You look bad, I have to do my ‘hey, that’s really funny, thanks’ face and yet we all know it will get chucked in the bin before New Years. I guess what I am trying to say is do not buy me anything from here…
Hey, don’t touch yourself, ask the staff. Now I am assuming you are pretty fluent in the old English language, so that sentence seems pretty weird, maybe even, I dunno, a bit naughty? Well some people CAN’T speak English as well as wot I can. Those people are often referred to as foreigners, although judging by the pond life you get on certain daytime TV shows that may be a tad unfair.
Bad English done by people from abroad is called Engrish. It’s childish and slightly cruel to laugh but hey, it is funny! And luckily someone has compiled a full website full of the stuff. Including the line about asking staff to touch you. That wasn’t just a completely random intro.
I used to love the thrill of ironing. The danger, the excitement, oh be still my beating heart! But nowadays, I find it dull, uninspiring, functional. Luckily some kerazy dudes felt the same as me and they created XTREME Ironing. Apparently by spelling XTREME wrongly and by typing it in capitals, it makes it even more XTREME! Sweet dude.
It basically involves you ironing in places that are dangerous – you know like on mountains or jumping out of aeroplanes. Count me in sir!
When some random on Facebook called Chris sent me the next link I was not that impressed. Things fitting into other things? Really? But then I looked more closely. It wasn’t just things fitting into other things, it was things fitting PERFECTLY into other things (just a heads up, by typing PERFECTLY in capitals, it does not make things more PERFECT. That is an impossibility. You do not get degrees of PERFECTION. I am merely using it for emphasis here).
It’s the PERFECTION that makes this website strangely addictive, like a ginger cake made by nan or a legal high. Seriously, this is just wonderful.
Who wants to see a Russian gentleman dancing with 2 bottles of beer in his hands to some un-listenable music? No, me neither but over 2 million people have watched this so there must be something in it, surely?
Scott Brash, Sophie Lawrence and David Hamilton are just 3 of the 8 celebrities you can call for just £5 (five pounds) per minute! That’s right, what a bargain. Now, it says on the bottom of the Dial A Celebrity page that the celebs have agreed to donate proceeds from the calls to charity. So that’s not so bad then. But what it doesn’t say is how much of the proceeds they will donate to charity, which is entirely up to them. How do I know this? Because I was asked. And I said no. Because I am not mental.
This next one made me laugh out loud, really laugh. It was sent to me by the wonderful magician Chris Cox and it’s magicians showing off their hands. I can’t really say any more than that.
Have a look at some of the stuff Lucy makes. It’s brilliant and beautiful and bonkers and sometimes a little bit scary. I’m going to buy something, but what?
And finally, a little plug for my Pocket TV Show. It is the internet sensation that is sweeping the nation. It’s a weekly TV show streamed live from my garage. Want more deets? Then head to…
That’s it for now. Do please keep sending me your websites. I don’t have a proper job so I need something to keep me off the streets. Pop along to www.facebook.com/iainleeofficial
You can read Iain Lee’s very own take on the internet here on the 123-reg blog every third Friday of the month.
A familiar face on television since he got his first break landing the job hosting Channel 4’s thrice weekly topical comedy show the 11 O’Clock Show at the age of 25, Iain is also an award winning radio presenter, top podcast creator and a genuinely funny guy with an eye for the bizarre.