Life is a strange thing. One minute you are at home cleaning up bits of poo from a two year old, the next you are sat in a TV studio while the legend that is Lionel Blair goes absolutely mental and starts effing and jeffing at a young American lady. Luckily for me, this event was not only captured on film but was then broadcast on Channel 5 and then posted on the internet. Not the poo thing with my youngest, the Blair thing. I should warn you, this clip contains footage of a camp 82 year old using the F-word.
The height of smugness
Two things I dislike immensely are smug people and heights. So imagine a website that combines both of those in one? It’s grim, and if it’s genuine, it’s strangely hypnotic. Why would a person punish themselves so much and then post it online? Oh yeah, because they’re smug. I answered that one already. Let’s all salute the smugness and magic of a man called Mustang.
See more of this guy hanging around on his website.
The Elephant and Piano
I took my piano to the mountains of Kanchanaburi to play for some very old, injured and handicapped elephants, especially a blind elephant Plara immediately behind the piano. This is what happened.
You say “tomato”, I say “arrrrrrrgh”
Special thanks this month has to go to Sean Cooke who obviously has way too much time on his hands and he sent me (via www.facebook.com/iainleeofficial) a shed load of websites. One of the best comes from some poor individual who doesn’t like tomatoes. Now, I’m funny with the old tom toms me. I don’t like the big fat ones (too watery and they remind me of cub camp when I was 9) but I do like those sweet little posh ones, you know, the ones still on the vine. Although I am aware I am actually paying for the vine when I buy them. Some people, however, have very strong feelings about tommys, one person (I’m sticking my neck out here but it just HAS to be a bloke) has gone as far as building a website telling just how evil tomatoes are.
Square egg, round hole
Sean also sent me an old ad for an egg cuber. ‘Bullshine’ I shouted at no one in particular, thinking this simply had to be one of them spoofs what I have heard so much about. I then did some research of my own, well, I typed egg cuber into ebay, and it turns out they actually exist and people are willing to pay good money for them. What are they? How do they work? And why would you want one? Who knows, but here are a few.
Want to see the Gallaghers throwing knives at each other? Of course you do, but these aint no feuding Brit-pop monkeys. No, this is an actual family doing the famous old knife throwing act back in the famous old old days. Seriously, this is ABSOLUTELY BONKERS. You kids don’t know you’re born, what with health and safety and laws to protect you! In these cash strapped times, you lot should be out there earning a few quid for the family coffers. Shame on you.
Speaking of Oasis, have a look at all these monobrows.
Sorry seems to be the hardest word
I work in local radio, and I love it. Some of the stories we get to hear are just incredible, and we also have a laugh. One of the most uncomfortable interviews I’ve ever done was the other week with Olly Martins, the Police and Crime Commissioner for Bedford. He had been a naughty boy and told somebody something he shouldn’t have and got in trouble for it. He came on air to apologise.
Meanwhile, BBC Sheffield want to know who is YOUR favourite nun…
I have some sad news for all your browsing fans out there. The internet is officially full and no more can be added. How do I know this? Well, I stumbled across the last page of the internet. Oh well, damned shame and all that but I suppose it was good while it lasted.
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That’s it for now. Do please keep sending me your websites. I don’t have a proper job so I need something to keep me off the streets. Pop along to www.facebook.com/iainleeofficial
You can read Iain Lee’s very own take on the internet here on the 123-reg blog every third Friday of the month.
A familiar face on television since he got his first break landing the job hosting Channel 4’s thrice weekly topical comedy show the 11 O’Clock Show at the age of 25, Iain is also an award winning radio presenter, top podcast creator and a genuinely funny guy with an eye for the bizarre.