The size of the universe and dancing TV personalities
You know the problem – you’re sat in front of your computer, having told your wife you’re popping upstairs to ‘do some work’. But man, it’s so hard to actually get that work started. Instead, you find yourself falling down the rabbit hole and getting lost in a world of weird websites and useless YouTube clips. That’s the problem I’m facing, except I then have to write about those things but I can’t because I keep looking at them and then worrying that I haven’t written about them so distract myself by looking at more of them. OK, breakdown over. And breathe. Look how small you are Now, I don’t do drugs but if I did, I bet it would look like this inside my tiny little frazzled mind. Scale of the Universe made me feel smaller and insignificantor (it SOUNDS like a word) then I have ever felt before (and trust me, I feel it a lot). It literally puts everything into perspective. Just don’t zoom out as far as you can. I did and something resembling the end of 2001:A Space Odyssey happened. My wife was well upset when she came in and found me as an old man baby type thing. Also, the music is beautiful. I could listen to that for minutes and not get bored. And Bully’s special prize… Remember Bullseye? I used to watch it religiously. And by that I mean on Sundays. Do you remember the odd looking contestants? Well in the 80’s, these people looked normal. They don’t now! It’s a wonderful collection of hopefuls from the darts based quiz show that made a star of Jim Bowen. Weren’t the olden days a simpler place? Certainly a lot hairier. Purple domain, purple domain… This month’s ‘it’s why Tim Berners-Lee invented the internet’ award goes to Purple.com – no, I have no idea whatsoever. The image below is a screenshot of the site, click it to see the real thing. If you want. It looks exactly the same. You’ve goth to see this I love Goths. I love trees. Both things are so much fun. If only someone had a website that combined the two. What, there is? Goths Up Trees actually exists? There IS a god and he is indeed good. This made me chuckle so much, but I had been sat at my computer screen for over 16 hours straight at this point following tips and links to write this column for you that I suspect a part of my brain had actually melted. Going Dutch If you’re visiting people in Dutchland (I think the country is actually called Amsterdam – Ed) then you should definitely take a gift, it would be rude not to. But what the heck do Dutch people like. I dunno. Or rather, I didn’t know until I found this little beauty Stuff Dutch People Like – it turns out they like really weird stuff. For example, their cows don’t say moo, they say boo! How mental is that? Very, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg. They also like picking their noses, steep steps and sinks with only cold water taps. Actually, it sounds like a terrible place. I shall never be going. Dancing Dave Recently I had the pleasure of meeting children’s TV legend Dave Benson-Phillips. We got on really well and it was an honour to have him teach me and Rusty Lee a song from Bugsy Malone (this sounds like nonsense, I swear to you this actually happened). However, if I had seen this site, I might have not been so friendly to the bloke. Have a look at this. Seriously, is this normal behaviour? I can answer that for you – no. Oh, it gets worse. Someone just sent me this. Seriously, I think I might have to quit. How on earth are we ever going to top The Pylon Society? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . That’s it for now. Do please keep sending me your websites. I don’t have a proper job so I need something to keep me off the streets. Pop along to www.facebook.com/iainleeofficial You can read Iain Lee’s very own take on the internet here on the 123-reg blog every third Friday of the month. A familiar face on television since he got his first break landing the job hosting Channel 4’s thrice weekly topical comedy show the 11 O’Clock Show at the age of 25, Iain is also an award winning radio presenter, top podcast creator and a genuinely funny guy with an eye for the bizarre.
The Iain Lee Column – The Magic of the Internet
I remember the first time I ever had Pesto. I was 19 years old, at a friends house in Glastonbury. We had pasta and I was asked if I’d ever had this mysterious smelly thing before before. ‘Of course’, I lied, not wanting to look uncool. ‘Oh good, help yourself then.’ With that, I got the tiniest teaspoonful of this green speckled sauce and placed it on the side of my plate, nowhere near my food, immediately making me look uncool. The people I was with looked at each other, laughed and then someone spooned a whole lump onto the pasta twists and stirred it up. This made me look even uncooler than I looked 30 seconds ago, when I thought I was as uncool as it could get. Why the reminiscence on this? Well, because I was trying to think of the first time I used the internet, and I just can’t remember it. Both pesto and the www are pretty much a daily part of my world now, but one has left a much more significant impression than the other. I’m trying to make up for this by finding as many wonderful things online as I can, and this month I have got some great stuff for you. First up, while we are all recovering from Olympic fever, it seems for some it will never go away. One of the stars to come out of this whole exercise in physical punishment (not like that, steady) is Mo Farah who seems like the nicest man in the world. Unfortunately, he may be nice, but he constantly has people and things chasing after him. Don’t believe me? Check out this simple yet wonderful site. http://mofarahrunningawayfromthings.tumblr.com/ My favourites are Mo Farah running away from Benny Hill and Mo Farah running away from many Mo Farah’s. Utter genius. Mo pops up a lot on the net this month, as you might expect. He makes an appearance on The Poke, a good-natured spoof of red top newspapers. In the article, he is being sued by a burger chain for stealing their golden arches logo and using it as his victory celebration. Check out the story here http://www.thepoke.co.uk/2012/08/15/mcdonalds-to-sue-mo-farah-over-victory-pose/ and then have a look at the rest of the articles. Very clever and funny. Fancy a break? Well, the odds are you won’t be going for a Kit-Kat. There are only really a few variations in the UK, and I for one am bored of them. The 2-fingered salute, the 4-way street and the chunky. Occasionally, if we are lucky, some new flavour might come out for 3 months, but really, come on chocolate boffins, put some imagination into it. If we lived in Japan (aka the BEST country in the world) we would have hundreds of different variations on this Great British invention (I have no idea if it actually is a British invention, but I’ve still got Olympic fever, so forgive me). How do I know? Well, I’ve been to Jen Kens Kit Kat Blog, of course http://jenkenskitkatblog.blogspot.co.uk/ Jen went to Japan, ostensibly to teach, but really it was to study and write about all the mental flavours of Kit Kat they have. Pumpkin Cheesecake, Bitter Strawberry, Pudding (very generic) and the revolting sounding Apple Vinegar – all are painstakingly documented here for your pleasure. Thanks Jen. Hey, this is old but I just found it. Remember the X-Files? Well, apparently Scully used to say ‘Oh My God’ a lot! http://youtu.be/-Dw3m-vIj7A My 2 and a half year old son has taken great delight in sticking googly eyes all over my house. I really cannot tell you how much pleasure it brings me walking into a room and finding these sticky blooming things stuck everywhere apart from on pieces of paper. I blame Mister Maker (a joke for the parents there). I was very surprised to find that this naughty and irritating activity is now considered to be a legitimate art form and even has it’s own website. http://eyebombing.com/ Is the home of what is called eyebombing, sticking googly eyes (available from any arts and craft shop) onto things. Stick with. It builds up and becomes more and more fascinating and amusing. I had a lot of complaints that last months column did not feature enough cats. Or sinks. So, here are some cats. In sinks. http://catsinsinks.com/. As ever If you’ve got any exciting websites you want to share, email me iainATiainleeDOTcom ——— You can read Iain Lee’s very own take on the internet here on the 123-reg blog every last Friday of the month. A familiar face on television since he got his first break landing the job hosting Channel 4’s thrice weekly topical comedy show the 11 O’Clock Show at the age of 25, Iain is also an award winning radio presenter, top podcast creator and a genuinely funny guy with an eye for the bizarre.
The Iain Lee Column – The Magic of the Internet
I am so over Twitter. For a while, it was a really important way of life, an addiction. I had an overwhelming compulsion to tell everyone everything I was doing. Every little detail of my life had to be shared. I thought I was being hilarious, creative, daring and pushing the boundaries. Hell, I’ve got nearly 32,000 followers, I must be important. Actually, I was probably being quite dull, as sadly, most people are on there. Hardly anyone has anything important or funny to say. And why should they? Most people are dull, and Twitter is just condensed dullness. But, there are some shining lights on this barren sea of everyone shouting at the same time (that metaphor almost makes sense!) First up is the comedian Adam Hess. Never heard of him? Don’t worry, you will. I’ve seen him live a few times and he is wonderful. For the first 2 minutes, there is silence in the room as the unsuspecting audience wonders why someone with such obvious difficulties has bothered to get up onstage. However, patience pays off, and at some point early on in his set, the crowd ‘gets it’ and is then taken on a most bizarre and enjoyable ride for the next 20 minutes. He is the only comedian I have seen who has managed to truly capture his act on Twitter. I know, hard to believe, but true. Follow @adamhess1 to see what I mean. I’ve just taken one of his recent tweets at random – At my 16th birthday party, 1 guy came as a bunch of balloons, another as an untouched table of snacks & another came as an empty church hall Wonderful, and it’s just relentless. My most recent Twitter find is pretty similar in style to Adam’s. But whereas Adam is a grown man (sort of), @toddlerquotes1 is a 2year old. Or at least, the words are coming from a 2 year old. It’s the parents that are doing the tweeting. This isn’t the usual cute, cloying nonsense that parents think is funny but actually isn’t, this is proper laugh out loud genius that only a kid of this age could come up with. One of my fave lines is – (Cuddling his brother) You are my little Waitrose. Simple, funny and totally life affirming. Follow immediately. Hey, want to see a bonkers Finnish man show you his entire collection of VHS video recorders? Of course you do! That’s what the internet was made for. I warn you know, this video is 8 minutes long and is just plain odd. It’s very hypnotic, partly because of the music, but mainly because of his monotone voice, bizarre obsession with outdated visual recording equipment and his bowl cut. This clip has had over 1,000,000 views. TV channels, pay attention. THIS is what people want. This months ‘what on earth were they thinking?’ goes to http://www.watching-grass-grow.com/ It does exactly what it says on the tin, along with a bizarre and strangely uplifting version of Live And Let Die playing in the background. It sounds like it was composed on a Sega Mega Drive and I kept expecting Alex Kidd to pop up. Last month I introduced you to the world of Women Laughing Alone With Salad, today I give you Women Struggling To Drink Water It is a total joy. I just lost an hour of my life looking at this. Is it supposed to be sexy? Why do they keep missing their mouths? PUT THE BOTTLE TO YOUR LIPS AND THE WATER WILL GO IN! I hate Garfield the cat. Tedious, not clever and just plain annoying. That is why I was so excited when I heard of Garfield Minus Garfield. This is, and I quote directly from the site – ‘…dedicated to removing Garfield from the Garfield comic strips in order to reveal the existential angst of a certain young Mr. Jon Arbuckle. It is a journey deep into the mind of an isolated young everyman as he fights a losing battle against loneliness and depression in a quiet American suburb.’ Genius. I was going to end the article there, but I’ve just had an email from Chris Kennedy telling me about what is now my new favourite site of all time. I shall leave you with www.zombo.com where the only limits, are your imagination. If you’ve got any exciting websites you want to share, email me iainATiainleeDOTcom ——— You can read Iain Lee’s very own take on the internet here on the 123-reg blog every last Friday of the month. A familiar face on television since he got his first break landing the job hosting Channel 4’s thrice weekly topical comedy show the 11 O’Clock Show at the age of 25, Iain is also an award winning radio presenter, top podcast creator and a genuinely funny guy with an eye for the bizarre.
The Iain Lee Column: The Magic of the Internet
I have been struggling to recall what life was like before the internet, and I honestly can’t remember much of it at all. It’s just a hazy blur of moping around, standing at bus stops and reading things that I believe we used to call books. Sounds hideous, doesn’t it? The www has enriched our sad, pathetic lives by allowing us to access ANYTHING we want. The world is out there and we can peak at it anytime. Want to take a virtual tour of the Sistine Chapel, then tap in this catchy little URL http://mv.vatican.va/3_EN/pages/x-Pano/CSN/Visit_CSN_Main.html and you can. If you’re curious as to what every Beatles song played at the same time sounds like, then go here (I warn you now, it sounds blooming awful) and if you have ever wondered the height of every American president, then you need to visit the Presidential Height Index which is here – Abe Lincoln is the tallest at a staggering 6ft10! With all of this knowledge and art available to us at just a few taps of a keyboard, why then do we spend 98% of our time looking primarily at pornography and pictures of cats (statistics from The Office Of Made Up Statistics)? These two things dominate our online experience. Luckily, no one has yet managed to successfully combine these two experiences. …Oh hang on, I just Googled it. They have. You can find that for yourself, you mucky little things. There is no chance of me fouling up my history folder on my browser with filth like that. Again. By the way, if you own more than one cat you are mental. If you film your harem of cats and put those films on YouTube, you are completely certifiable. If those videos then get nearly 30,000,000 views, you’re still mental but also a genius, a bit like Ronald McDonald. Japanese cat-o-phile Shirone Koshiro is all of these things. Why are these films so popular? I have literally no idea. Have a look and see what you think. Speaking of mental, after a plea for websites that I could write about in this column, I received loads of suggestions (send them to iainATiainlee.com – you know replacing AT with @ so the spammers don’t get me please). But as soon as I saw the subject heading ‘Women Laughing Alone With Salad’, I knew this month’s search was over. Whoever came up with this site is either a lunatic on a par with The Joker from the hugely popular Batman series of comic books, or a genius on a par with Brainiac from the virtually unknown Superman series of comic books. It is literally pictures of women. Who are laughing. On their own. Whilst being near salad. Even thinking about it is making me chuckle. Seriously have a look now, because this will be your new favourite website of all time ever for today. It’s websites like this that make me think some people have way too much time on their hands. Why would you do this? Why? Finally, I feel bad for pointing you in the direction of that unlistenable Beatles ‘thing’ at the start of this piece. Let me try and rectify that by playing you the most amazing mash up of songs by the 60’s mop-top-pop-quartet. Every note comes from Liverpool’s finest and Hank Handy really has done a fantastic job. Magical. You can read Iain Lee’s very own take on the internet here on the 123-reg blog every last Friday of the month. A familiar face on television since he got his first break landing the job hosting Channel 4’s thrice weekly topical comedy show the 11 O’Clock Show at the age of 25, Iain is also an award winning radio presenter, top podcast creator and a genuinely funny guy with an eye for the bizarre.
The Iain Lee Column: The Magic of the Internet
The internet is an amazing place. It can unite, inspire, move and arouse. There are an infinite number of sites to look at and an amazing amount of information out there, waiting to be accessed. Why then do I only ever really look at 4 sites – Facebook, YouTube, Twitter and eBay? I have to confess, I am a massive eBay addict, despite the fact it’s written with a lower case e and then a capital b. That makes no grammatical sense whatsoever and is actually quite annoying. Still, where else am I going to spend money I don’t have on tat I don’t need? I have made it my personal mission to delve deeper into the www and find gems that are hidden away, waiting for someone to stumble across them, dust them off, and hold them up to the bright sunlight of scrutiny. OK, I got a bit lost in that metaphor (or simile, I’m not fussy) but hopefully you get the idea. I find good stuff. I show to you. You like. Recently I have been marvelling at 19th century technology via 21st century machinery. The photograph has taken many shapes and forms over the years, but it’s always going to be a part of our lives and with the sale of Instagram for $190 billion , photos have never been cooler. The best sites are the ones that keep on giving. Well, actually, the best sites are the ones with free knockers, but let’s try and keep this clean. www.dearphotograph.com is deceptively simple. At first glance, it’s people taking photographs of them holding up photographs. Wow. AMAZING! But look closer, it’s so much more than that. It’s pictures of ghosts. Author Taylor Jones has collected hundreds of photos of people standing in the site where old photos were taken, whilst holding those old photos up in the same position they were taken. There, got it? No, because it is bloody hard to describe. OK. Imagine you have a photo from the 70’s of your mum stood on some church steps. You then go back to those same church steps, armed with that photo and a camera. You hold the photo up so it looks like mum is still on those steps, and snap, you take a photo of that! There, that should help get an image in your head. I was thinking of explaining this with a comparison to the ‘Crush Your Head’ guy, but how on earth a reference to a long forgotten character in cult Canadian sketch show Kids in the Hall with help is anyone’s guess. But it’s sort of similar. Have a look http://youtu.be/1pKXMcfx1d8 While I may not have sold this site too well, it’s definitely worth checking out. It starts off cute, but as I kept looking and reading the stories that go with them, I started to get very emotional. I’ll be honest, the picture of an old man holding a baby with the caption ‘This is how my granddad used to hold me…now I am holding him’ had me in tears. But shh, don’t tell anyone or I will have to kill you. And then take a photo of it. If you want proper spooky pics, then have a look at this www.scienceofghosts.com – this is genuinely amazing. Do ghosts exist? Of course not, don’t be silly, but this corner of cyberspace almost convinces me they do. Some of the pictures need a bit of concentration, but when you finally ‘see’ that head of a dead man hovering behind a 2 year old in a garden (I realise I needn’t have put the word dead, as ghosts do tend to be rather deceased by definition) a tiny little bit off wee will leave your body. Or what about the wedding photo? Nothing there, but hang on, I can see something behind that dudes trousers, and if you look up a bit…IT’S A TINY DEAD MAN POKING OUT FROM BEHIND! Again, it almost definitely isn’t because I am not a 12 year old girl and so I KNOW FOR A FACT that ghosts DO NOT EXIST. It’s a shame, because I’d love to meet one, but it just ain’t gonna happen. Some paranormal photos that aren’t quite so impressive can be found on www.ghostphotos.org This site claims to contain pictures of ghosts. I can tell you now, they aren’t. They are just very, very bad photos. Circling a blob and saying it’s a man’s face, does not make it a man’s face. It makes it a blob. Seriously, I have never seen such bad ghostly images in my life. One is titled ‘Ed eating a peanut butter and jelly’ and that’s all it is. A man wearing braces, eating a sandwich in a really blurry photo. THAT IS NOT SUPERNATURAL OR SPOOKY ON ANY LEVEL! It is, however, very funny that someone could think these pictures were worth sharing with the entire world. Worth having a look just for a giggle. If you’ve got any sites you think I should be looking at, please let me know iainATiainlee.com (you know replacing AT with @ so the spammers don’t get me!) You can read Iain Lee’s very own take on the internet here on the 123-reg blog every last Friday of the month. A familiar face on television since he got his first break landing the job hosting Channel 4’s thrice weekly topical comedy show the 11 O’Clock Show at the age of 25, Iain is also an award winning radio presenter, top podcast creator and a genuinely funny guy with an eye for the bizarre.